I never was the most prolific writer of posts, but the gap between this and the previous one is pretty impressive, even for me. Life does have a habit of whisking time away, and last year I found myself consumed entirely by grief and stress on a scale I have never experienced.

Last April, I lost my best friend of twenty-five years. He died suddenly, with no warning, and it has been an incredibly painful time as I try to navigate life without him. 

Matt was a beautiful soul with the kindest heart and also the sharpest tongue; I laughed harder with him than with anyone else, and he taught me so much. He was both a grounding presence and incredible esoteric guide. His path in life wasn’t easy but he never gave up and could always find something to laugh uproariously about. 

We were like old friends from the moment we met. I’ve always gravitated towards those who are a little older than myself and keen to take me under their wing. He did just that; he said I was the campest thing he’d ever seen and we became inseparable. Within a couple of years we moved to London together; a shift that would change our lives forever. We supported each other through the best and worst of times. He always said I could achieve anything I wanted, even when I didn’t believe it myself. He was like a brother to me.

Everyone handles grief differently; for me it was an immediate visceral response, the heartbreak and aftermath of which I’m still learning to overcome. The shock, plus a summer of unrelated stress, resulted in me losing half of the hair on my head. My nervous system, which was already stuck on high alert, is only now beginning to regulate. Along with navigating life without my best friend, this year is a time for healing and self-care, as I try to undo the tightly bound constraints of chronic stress.

Settling down to write up a recipe that is dear to my heart is a very comforting and grounding process, and this one feels very fitting, because Matt loved his cookies. He led quite a nomadic lifestyle, moving from place to place and never fully settling, but we spoke almost daily, and he visited me frequently. I would make him cookies every time he came to stay; he loved chocolate chip cookies (like the vegan and non-vegan ones here, he wasn’t picky) but these chunky granola-type cookies were his absolute favourite.

I love you, Matt 🖤

Makes 10 big cookies, or 15 smaller ones. See notes below for swaps.

• 2 tbsp (30g) apple sauce, mashed
• 4 tbsp (60ml) olive oil
• 2 tbsp (40g) maple syrup
• 3 tbsp (45g) vegan butter, melted
• 50g soft light brown sugar
• 75g strong white bread flour (or plain flour, see notes)
• 1/2 tsp bicarbonate of soda
• 1/2 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp ground ginger
• 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 75g rolled oats
• 40g desiccated coconut
• 75g raisins (see notes) or dark chocolate chips
• 2 tbsp pumpkin seeds
• 2 tbsp sunflower seeds
• Small handful of chopped walnuts, or any other nut

Notes:

Syrup: I like maple syrup but you can use anything you like – golden syrup, agave etc or honey if you’re not vegan.

Butter: If you want to keep this as a 1-bowl only job, you don’t have to melt the butter. The resulting cookies will be chunkier (they’ll spread a little less, see pictures below). I love these cookies made both ways, so it’s up to you. Both ways are equally good for dunking!

Flour: By sheer accident, I recently realised that strong white bread flour makes the best vegan cookies. I think the sciencey reason for it is the higher protein content; the resulting cookies are less likely to fall apart, and yield a deliciously crispy exterior while maintaining a chewy inside. Plain flour works fine too, but I do prefer the results with bread flour.

Coconut: Use roughly ground almonds instead if you prefer.

Spices: I like cinnamon and ginger, but you can replace with sweet mixed spice if you don’t have them. Ground cardamom instead of ginger is really good too.

Raisins: Use dried cranberries, cherries, sultanas, or a mixture. Or just use chocolate chips if you really can’t stand dried fruit!

Seeds: Use whichever you prefer, or swap for an extra handful of chopped nuts.

To Make:

1. Preheat the oven to 180c / 165c fan / gas mark 4.
2. Measure the apple sauce, olive oil, maple syrup and melted butter into a mixing bowl and stir together. If you haven’t melted the butter (see notes above) then mix until the butter starts to combine with the other ingredients – it won’t fully blend, and it might look a bit curdled, but don’t worry about that.
3. Add the sugar and stir again.
4. Now add the flour, bicarb, baking powder, spices and salt to the bowl and gently stir until combined.
5. Lastly, stir in the oats, followed by the remaining ingredients. Combine thoroughly until all the chunky bits are evenly dispersed in the dough.
6. Form 10 evenly sized cookie balls (or 15 slightly smaller ones) and arrange on a baking sheet lined with baking paper (you may need to do this in two batches. Keep the remaining cookie balls in the fridge until you’re ready to bake them). Leave enough space for the cookies to spread a little.
7. Gently press each cookie using the palm of your hand, to slightly flatten them into thick patties. Transfer the tray to the middle shelf of your oven.
8. Bake large cookies for 13-14 minutes or 11-12 minutes for smaller ones. They are ready when they are golden brown around the edges. They will still be soft in the middle (they will firm up as they cool) so leave them on the tray for about 10 minutes before transferring them to a cooling rack.
9. Store the cookies in an airtight container and eat within 3 days.